"GO now, what are you waiting for...no seriously, GO!"
That was the message from Bishop Mark Hanson today as he preached the gospel during the installation service for I-K Synod Bishop Bill Gafkjen. He actually said that...and then sat down. Leaving us to look awkwardly at one another...debating actually leaving...then he got up and continued to preach.
The two questions that stuck with me were:
What's keeping you from going? and Why do you go?
What keeps me from going out there? Why, knowing that I'm completely equipped for anything...am I afraid to go! I think that's a question that underlies my ongoing discernment in both vocation and in life. Where is God calling me to serve? When do I know that I'm being called someplace different? Is it my own feelings & struggles or is it the Holy Spirit stirring within..calling...pulling...tugging?
In life, or more specifically in relationships, where and how am I being called? I guess I'm strong enough to live and love and lose...but sometimes it hurts...I know God is present, but I still wonder what God is teaching me through these experiences. (I know, be patient....) What keeps me from going out there? I'm afraid of being hurt, not being loved, not being ready for changes, new responsibilities...or am I still trying to figure out if it's me that wants the change, or is it God calling for change? Anybody else have these questions?
Sometimes I go...because I feel daring, full of life & adventure and I'm ready for anything...and I feel God's presence and support, knowing God's got my back. I know I shouldn't have doubts...but sometimes I'm unaware (not unaware, just so full of myself, my own worries and anxieties) of the strength that comes from God, promised to me through baptism....that will never ever leave me.
So funny in hindsight, to think about listening to the song Should I stay or should I go" on the way to the installation service. I asked a pastor once, is discernment something that is constantly a part of your life? He smiled and said....well....
I guess for me it is a constant thing...that I just need to continue listening to.
Speaking of going...I had the hardest time getting on my bike today. I just didn't have the oomph to get going. (FYI... oomph is the correct spelling - no red misspelling line underneath) After a long drive to and from the installation, with a woman from church, I just wanted to kick back this evening. I thought...I don't have the drive to seriously ride today...and if I can't get a strong ride in for the Hilly Hundred, then why even ride? So I'm thankful yet again for the pact of 30 Days of Biking. I would not have pulled the bike out, even for a ride around town, without that promise that I would ride every day this month. So, phew, thanks for that. Now I really need to get focused on training for the Hilly. Because it's less than a month away and I'm getting nervous.
Other loves from today's ride:
The smell of people grilling out.
The conversations on the porches as I ride by.
The sound of children laughing.
The waves I get from the kiddos playing outside.
And if you needed some music to go along with this post:
Indigo Girls: Go